WHAT HAVE YOU NOTICED? HOW CAN WE WORK TOGETHER TOWARDS HEALING?
People who struggle with sexual issues (addiction) often notice relational difficulties like the following...
Fusion Fantasy : “The two shall become one”
Lack of Emotional Connection (Into-me-see)
Emotional hunger: often caused by the presence of a compelling connection that is an emotional fusion.
Reflected sense of self: needing continual contact, validation, and consensus from others.
Jealousy: A form of emotional fusion. At its most severe, jealousy illustrates our intolerance for boundaries and separateness from those we love.
Emotionally fused = sexually bored. One problem in becoming too comfortable (emotionally fused) with our partner is that we become sexually bored, which reduces our ability to find sexual satisfaction through intimacy.
Being self-aware is the ability to see our true selves without blinders. This is the first step in being true to one’s self. It requires empathy, patience, strength, humility, and love. One of the hardest things to do is see one’s self as fallible, but that is what we are. We all make mistakes and we all have our triumphs. What we try to accomplishin therapy is strive to see both extremes in oneself; learning how to merge them together to make them a single, better individual. In other words, to embrace our "shadow"and to be OK with it.
There are two ways in which we can sojourn together on your journey toward healing and intimacy:
Do you think I am sexually addicted?
Mark, a 28 year-old high flyer ignored his addictive behavior and treated Sarah as if she was the problem. Sarah finally told him, "IF you don't STOP the pornography, I'm divorcing you."
Sarah wrote this reflection after our last session together:
I was at the end of my rope struggling between a man that I loved dearly and his addiction that I didn't understand, but more importantly could not help him with.
I thought the only way out was divorce, as he had tried many times to control it but just couldn't... One night, after a binge, Mark placed a call to see you and we began to get our lives back together. I must say that I was skeptical at first -- but could see no other alternatives on offer. So we began our journey.
Less than one year later we are closer than ever. I now have my husband back for the first time since we were married 15 years ago.
Words cannot express how grateful we are for your help.
(Real names withheld)
Helping people turn troubled relationships around into healthy, loving marriages is one of the greatest pleasures of my therapy.
There can be many reasons to consider undertaking online therapy. Depending on the issues you are going through you may feel too sad, embarrassed and/or ashamed to seek counselling face-to-face. Many individuals avoid counselling due to these and many other reasons.
Online counselling is an alternative to face-to-face counselling. It is a different way of expressing your feelings and thoughts and getting the help, support and assistance you need whether you live New Zealand or overseas. You do not have to travel anywhere and you can be comfortable in the privacy of your own home.
The process of writing down thoughts and feelings can be particularly powerful. For some, this can help to focus thoughts and concerns. Online interaction also gives one the option to reflect or re-read earlier communications with the counsellor. It also allows the therapist to send online reflections that pertain to specific themes uncovered in-session.